Needle Biopsy Tomfoolery

Aack, aack, aaarrgghhh, aaarrrgghhh, completely brutal. I'd be more explicit but my mother reads this blog. So, aacckk, aarrrgghh, super-über-aaarrrggghhh!

I just returned from my third needle biopsy on my thyroid and this was the most brutal. While certainly not looking forward to it, I had reassured myself prior that I was getting sturdier about these things. Spent the morning working at home not thinking about it much. A pal came by and gave me a ride. On the way he asked if I'd taken something to calm me as I didn't appear anxious. I replied that no I didn't think I needed anything this time besides I wonky walk if I take something. What was I thinking?!

I've admitted before that my continual exposure to various intrusions on my body - staples in the head, needles in the neck, needles in muscles or repeated shocking, lumbar puncture - has not made me hardier but rather wimpier. Somehow today I felt grounded and solid -- man, was I drinking the punch. Again, what was I thinking? I still take valium for my rides in the MRI tube.

We had a hard time positioning my head for the procedure. My brain surgery was on the back of my skull and a good portion of that area is still numb/hyper-sensitive. If I rest my head on it without enough padding, the sensation is, hmm, kind of feels like my head is collapsing on itself. Hard to explain. So, they tried to work with me on that yet get my neck really exposed. We thought we found a position that worked until I started seeing stars. Oops.

One of my past biopsies was unclear due to not having enough of whatever they get out of my calcified thyroid cysts. So, this doc was determined to have enough sample for the lab to make a clear diagnosis of not malignant. Have to admit that with all of my other medical adventures, this hasn't been on my mind. Anyway, he took twice as many samples and really went to town jabbing at all angles for a much longer time and harder than the last biopsy. No comparison. I couldn't help but groan and flip my feet wildly in windshield wiper fashion. The doc almost stopped at four samples but we all decided that we didn't want to reunite under these circumstances again. So, we continued.

The lab tech told me prior that this procedure was like getting blood drawn. Pleeeze. I asked her if she'd had this done. No. Well, I have - there's no comparison, at least the way it feels on my body. The doc noted he'd be using needles the size of acupuncture needles. Once again, pleeeze. I get acupuncture and this is not in the ballpark. I gave him a bad time about it afterwards. He laughed and said, "I only claimed the needles were the size of acupuncture needles. Didn't say it was like it. You need to listen to the details."

All I have to say is if I'm doing this mofo again, I'm getting whacked and wheeled in if necessary.