I seem to be repeating this overused phrase a lot. For some reason it has more meaning at this moment in time.
It is what it is. I've spent a lot of time being fearful of worst case scenarios. Now, I'm far from being fearless by any stretch of the imagination. However, even though I can exercise various life planning options, I'm accepting that I just can't control the unfolding nature of my illness.
For whatever reason, my function has taken a dive recently. It's actually been quite stunning. I've said "uncle" and am on temporary leave from work. My parents, in their late 70s, are coming out to be with me for support and logistics. That really puts it in perspective for me. I have a slew of practitioner appointments, tests, and some IV goodies on the schedule.
What if I have to sell my second-story condo while it's valued much less than I paid for it? It is what it is.
What if I don't get better, or at least maintain, and I have to make huge changes that take away my independence since I don't have a caretaker? It is what it is.
What if ... It is what it is.
The old truck above is down by the creek in my town. I used to walk past it on trips to the main part of downtown. Classic old Pacific Northwest.
Sums up my day today.
ReplyDeleteFull of what if's and ugh oh's.
Scary stuff this MS.
A lot of wisdom here born from struggle. (Donna).
ReplyDeleteJudy
Jan & Judy - I realize that lots of folks struggle with these ifs. I'm just amazed that I've spiraled this far without a firm diagnosis and treatment! Getting close though.
ReplyDeleteFacing facts. That's courageous.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet you didn't know that King Edward III of England used the motto "It is what it is" early in his reign. Useless piece of trivia, but there it is!
That photo reminds me of the bus you showed me in the woods. Out here we do rust well, don't we?
I'm glad you're getting close to a firm diagnosis and treatment. You are one of the most patient people I've ever met, and the most courageous.
Candace
Hi Donna,
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Love,
Herrad
Candace - Well, who knew -- King Edward III and I? Now, not being familiar with my English royalty, was he one of the insane ones? Yes, getting close, getting close.
ReplyDeleteHerrad - Thanks for the thoughts -- appreciated.
"and onward it goes" is my personal motto, but "it is what it is" works for me, too.
ReplyDeleteYou rock, chickie. (I said it's so, so it must be true ... so there, nyah.)
YogaD/Diane
I love the truck. I feel like that much of the time.
ReplyDeleteYou would think normal life (whatever that is) is unpredictable enough. Trying to come up with a life plan that will accommodate chronic illness is enough to make your head explode. So, I guess we plan as best we can. Whatever happens, we deal with it as best we can.
It is what it is.
Donna, I have been there. Those are downright terrible and terrifying thoughts. I know my reaction was "Fcuk it", I was so frustrated and angry that that was how I dealt with it. I also cried a lot and prayed. I dont know. Reading that post brought back some scary times and reminds me that it could happen again. I dont know what to say to make you feel better. But I am listening to you and praying you get well.
ReplyDeleteDiane - It's so good to hear from you! I dropped you an email. Yeah, and onward it goes to both of us in the crazy neurowonk diagnosis marathon.
ReplyDeleteZoom - Yeah, it was such a let-down to find out that the LTD buy-up I purchased from work is for only four years. But my fingers work great, well good. Been thinking about that a lot since your post.
Maria - I appreciate your caring. I'm fearful of the future but not terrified. Not that awful feeling I had before my brain surgery when I'd get up and read to myself out loud in the middle of the night. I so know that you are going to get better and be a force to be reckoned with. Now, me, well I'm hoping for a remission from whatever rheumo-neuro-immune wonk that I've got. But, I've got to be realistic since that may not be in the cards. I will be ok -- whether I get better for a while or not. Thanks for the concern.
Hi Donna
ReplyDeletePlease come over to my blog log and pick up your red bow award
.
Love,
Herrad
No no, Edward III wasn't a crazy one, at least not in my book(s). Congrats on the red bow!
ReplyDeleteCandace
Herrad -- Thanks and will do!
ReplyDeleteCandace -- Good to know!
I read somewhere...or saw a tat or something (seriously, who knows?)(where was I?/?? Oh yeah) that said (not that it spoke...nevermind) "It will never be as bad as you might imagine or as good." That seems true for most things, so best to think about butterflies or Barney having sex with the one-eyed purple people eater. Now, back to my medical mary jane.
ReplyDeleteFunny...I say those words every day too but for different reasons. I do.
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is. It really is.